


Friendship is Relative

by BrainlessGenius



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Good Friend, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Good Friend, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Is A Good Friend, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Good Friend, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Genderfluid Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Filipino Character, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Non-Binary Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, One Shot, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Panic Attacks, Prompt Fill, Sleepovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29530434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrainlessGenius/pseuds/BrainlessGenius
Summary: Logan isn’t exactly sure what he is to this group of high schoolers who are suddenly interacting with him more often. He certainly thinks it’s impolite to decline when two of them invite him over for a sleepover. He finds his guard falling as the night progresses, and what he sees the morning after makes him regret doing so.A fill for the prompt request "Angsty HS!AU where Logan gets invited to a sleepover by the twins and gets his face written on while asleep"
Relationships: Anxiety & Creativity & Dark Creativity & Deceit & Logic & Morality (Sanders Sides)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	Friendship is Relative

**Author's Note:**

> **Warning/s:** Morbid/filthy jokes courtesy of Remus (mentions of murder and genitalia), panic attack, food, mature language (swearing), a bit of self-deprecation. Please tell me if I forgot anything
> 
> There's a short little scene here inspired by [THIS FIC](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747992) by a friend of mine. I love it so much.

Whenever the bell rang, Logan was practically hard-wired to head straight for the door and back home. The only exceptions of course were for when the teacher needed to talk with him or when the school’s chess club had to hold their weekly games. Otherwise, his mind was locked on the path home, and his feet followed suit every time.

But that was before Virgil happened, shyly and anxiously coming up to him to ask help for their Maths homework, scared out of their mind for the possible failing grade sure to await them if they don’t get their scores in order. They were the first person to ever come up to Logan like this and the interaction went as smoothly as a crocodile's skin. But Logan recalled how he too once came close to failing a mark, and he said “yes” before the implications of a regular meeting with another human being fully sunk in.

Apparently one new person did not always mean just one, ‘cause Virgil already had a friend beforehand. Roman found them having their mentoring session in the library once, opting to bug them in between while impatiently waiting for Virgil to be done. Then Roman’s taller, stocky presence became just as regular of an appearance, pulling Logan to come with him and Virgil to have ice cream after class.

He declined, but Roman uttered an unintelligible stream of “pleases”, so he eventually accepted. Just once.

And it wasn’t so bad. New, but tolerable.

Unfortunately for Logan, Roman had a twin. He discovered this when Roman left his notebook on the library table once, and Logan merely wanted to do the responsible task of giving it back. He found a leaner, paler Roman in the hallway wearing colors darker than he usually did, only to stammer in surprise to find facial hair above his lip. The embarrassment settled in quickly followed by stuttering apologies, but the person, Remus, only laughed. Logan was introduced to the twins, then, and he has seen more of them since.

Three new people in the span of weeks was already a handful, but even more so when another two joined the picture. See, Remus had a friend of his own, much to Roman’s annoyance-- a shorter Janus who loved to tease Roman whenever he got the chance. So much so that Logan began wondering if this was affecting either of them negatively at all. It was soft and bubbly Patton, another of their friends who reassured Logan that it was merely playful teasing, and that the two actually got along quite swell.

Quite honestly, human interaction was and always will be confusing as ever.

Then everything cascaded from there. He was invited to lunch more, one or two of them would sit beside him in shared classes, more after class talks, he found out more about them and they found out more about him. 

He doesn’t know what that makes him, though. The five were very obviously established friends, and Logan hasn’t the slightest clue where he fits in, nor if he even does at all. Even now as he rushes to leave the school after class he still forgets that these people now exist. At times he forgets that they do in fact, know him, and that he shouldn’t be so surprised whenever any of them wave “hi” or talk to him. 

But he still is.

He already has a foot on the stairwell outside when a boisterous voice from behind begins calling out his name. There’s a hand pulling him back swiftly by his backpack before he can even turn around, bringing him face-to-face with Remus. He successfully evades the shock about to manifest itself on his face.

“Dang, Lo, that’s gotta be record time for leaving the campus. So who’s the lucky date?”

Logan grumbles, pulling Remus’ hand off his backpack. “No one. Seeing people is the least of my priorities, Remus.”

Remus cackles, neck craning backward and waving his arm high. “Yeah, don’t worry I’m just messing with ya. We all know you’re practically married to your books.” Logan follows Remus’s line of sight to see Roman running towards them. 

The theater club member stops just short before them, catching his breath quickly before speaking. “Logan! There I was trying to find you in classrooms and the gosh darn library and you end up here. No mentoring with Virge today, huh?”

“No. They’re the one who declined today. I believe it’s something about a birthday--?”

“Oh, yeah! It’s their sister’s birthday! No wonder they were in such a hurry to leave.”

“Mhmm.” Logan notices how they’re blocking the doorway, and he pulls the twins aside, clearing his throat once they’re clear of the path. “So, is there a reason why you two chased me through the school or--?”

Remus goes to sit on a railing, swinging his legs and almost kicking Roman in the chest. “Well yeah but even if we didn’t we still would have chased you down anyway. The other dorks are still in class.”

Logan waits for Remus to say something more, perhaps the reason or at least a bit of context before getting into it. But it seems he’s become distracted by the chipping paint on the railing, according to Logan’s observations. Roman continues for him.

“We’re having a sleepover this weekend! Virge already agreed. I think Jan and Pat did, too. Did they, Rem?” Roman leans on the same railing and Remus nods, nails picking at the paint even more. “Yep, so they’ve all agreed. You coming with?” 

A small part of Logan thinks it makes sense that he’s the last person they’ve approached, given that they’ve not known him for long. Another part of him is arguing that he should just decline and allow them the opportunity to have their gathering without his intrusion. Besides, he’s never been in one and the irrational fear that he might act unaccordingly is telling him not to bother.

Then again, declining might be seen as impolite, and he would not want that. 

“Well, uhm, I uh, I suppose I can go--”

The pair practically glow in excitement. “Cool! We swear, Specs, this is gonna be the best thing that’ll ever happen in your life--”

“Highly improbable seeing as we aren’t even a quarter of the way to a human being’s expected lifespan--”

“Well, if it does end up being the best thing you’ve ever attended in your life then you owe me a taco.” Remus hops off the railing with a slight stumble and Roman steadies him.

Logan sighs. “Very well. Is there a time and a place, or--”

“Oh, we’ll just text ya guys all the juicy, juicy deets before the thing, yeah?”

Roman visibly cringes at Remus’s choice of words while Logan stifles a laugh at the admittedly amusing exchange. “Thank you, Remus.”

“Great!” Roman exclaims as he begins swiftly pulling Remus towards the school doors. “Now we have to be getting back inside or the director is going to have my butt served on a plate with my head on the side. See you tomorrow, Logan!”

He waves back timidly. “See you.” He lingers for a while longer, just waiting for them to disappear into the crowd. It isn’t until he’s walking home that he realizes that he has absolutely zero information about how sleepovers go, let alone one that they’ve obviously done before without Logan around.

He tries to recall what he knows about sleepovers from the sparse TV and movie scenes he’s seen his parents watch, all the while trying to prepare himself for what he might need to know and do on the day. 

Logan thinks he’s overthinking things the night before the event, but it pays to never be too sure. He meticulously picks out decent pajamas, researches proper etiquette and behavior, brings out a subjectively and objectively warmer and aesthetically-acceptable blanket, and basically spends almost the entire night awake thinking of everything and anything.

When the actual sleepover comes, he’s nerve-wracked, stiff, and constrained as he knocks on Roman and Remus’s door. It’s Patton who opens it, wearing a pink bracelet that tells Logan what she’d rather be referred to as tonight and a loose light blue tee with matching floral cottony shorts. Her grin is wide and bright enough that the frame of her glasses shift up, body moving out of the way to make room for Logan to step in.

“Lo, you’re here! Ro and Rem have been waiting for you and Jan and Virge aren’t here yet.” Pat closes the door again and practically pulls Logan over to the twins’ room. He takes a second to ogle at the lights, mats, and pillows set up on the floor of the capacious space. “I think you look great, by the way! I hope you don’t mind but I already hopped into more comfy clothes. You can too if you wanna.”

Logan  _ is _ beginning to become envious of how comfortable her clothes look next to his shirt and jeans. Before he can decide, the twins come bounding in carrying plates of chips and finger sandwiches, equally large smiles on their faces. Roman is already in matching red pajamas, buttons and designs accented by yellowish-gold. Remus is dressed in practically the opposite behind him, sporting nothing but a loose, black tank top and peach-patterned shorts. And socks. 

The taste is questionable but who is he to judge?

Roman sets down the plates in the middle of all the mats. “You made it! Not gonna lie, I thought Jan would get here first. He  _ does  _ live the nearest--”

Remus sets down the tray of glasses and drinks he’s been carrying, too; cutting off Roman in the process. “Jan-jan?  _ Please _ . It’s gonna take him like an hour just to pick out what to wear and then another few minutes just to slick up his hair; as if it isn’t gonna be ruined by midnight anyway--”

Patton giggles as she takes a seat near one of the plates, eyeing the food. “Ten bucks says that Virgil’s gonna arrive first.”

Roman plops down too, grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to him as he lays belly-first on the matted floor. “Hmm. I’m gonna give the sassy noodle a bit more credit and say he’ll still get here first but only by a fraction of a hare’s hair.”

Remus scoffs and sits cross-legged between Logan and Roman, fingers already out to grab a corn chip. “Twenty says they’ll get here at the same time. Or they’ll cross paths then get murdered then none of them are getting here. Whad’ya think, nerd?”

The slight morbidity of the comment is dismissible. He’s grown accustomed to Remus’s vivid imagination. Logan is more startled by the sudden inclusion to the conversation, not expecting to join in at all. Then he remembers that he is, in fact, a part of this gathering, and that it would not make sense for him to be excluded. Common sense.

“I think I’d rather not waste any money at all and just watch and see who  _ does  _ end up losing.”

Roman gawks and stammers while the other two just snicker in between a snack. “I-- okay that seems fair. I’m still totally winning, though.”

Logan stands as he tunes out the others’ slight debating, dusting off his jeans and grabbing his PJs from his bag. “Where can I find the bathroom--?”

Remus jolts up. “Oh, right! Right.” Logan stares in confusion and Remus realizes the vagueness of his words. “Oh, I meant it’s the door just to the right of this one.”

“Thank you.”

There’s a thread of nervousness as he returns wearing his blue and white striped pajamas, thinking of any possible criticism they can point out. But he arrives to nothing more than chaotic laughter and Roman whining about a stain on his top. Not a single comment. He also learns that apparently, Patton won the bet, and now Remus and Roman are both ten dollars poorer.

On the floor beside Pat now sits Virgil in an oversized purple hoodie and black sweatpants, looking up at Logan with a small wave. “Oh cool, even Teach got here before me. Jan’s a hopeless case, huh?”

Logan looks sparingly at them, taking a spot just beside Virgil and helping himself to a finger sandwich. He is not sure how to reply to the statement, so he just shifts the conversation. “Are you aware that they bet on you and Janus?”

Virgil rolls their eyes. “Of course they did. This is the damned twins we’re talking about.” They move to lay their head on Logan’s lap and shoot him a look, subtly asking for permission. Logan is aware of the established physical comfort levels in the group, but he has never been one to partake in the same degree of physicality before. Despite the rigidness of his form, he thinks that perhaps this is customary in sleepovers and he just overlooked it in his research.

It takes a second before Logan nods stiffly and Virgil settles. They look up at Logan after, who’s still taking the time to get used to the setup. “So who won?”

Patton pipes up, almost tackling Virgil from where they lie. “I did!”

Virgil blinks in silent but obvious disbelief while the rest of them laugh. Logan eases up by an insignificant degree.

Janus finally arrives about thirty minutes later, waltzing into the room in a snake-printed tee and unmatched pajama bottoms, unabashed smirk on his face.

“You take forever to get here and this is the best you come up with?” Virgil comments, cheese-coated finger coming up to their lips as they scrutinize Janus’s movements from where they’re lying. 

Janus takes a seat somewhere near Patton, gingerly combing through his hair with his fingers as he scrunches his nose up at Virgil. “Contrary to popular belief, and unlike His Royal Highness over here, I pick comfort over style-- oh hey, Logan.” He pauses to wave at Logan with a slight smile. Logan returns the gesture and Janus continues glaring at Virge. “Besides, time is relative, anyway. It’s the AM somewhere in the world and your late could be my early.”

The rest look unconvinced. Logan braves the opportunity to be the one to ask the lighthearted follow-up question; half as an attempt at comedic timing and half to save them from silence. “So what is the actual reason?”

Janus stops short of dipping a chip into the cheese, eyes looking around at everyone else. He looks to Logan again who only raises a brow before he slumps and sighs. “Alright, I fell asleep. Does that feed your superiority complexes enough yet?”

Once again the group breaks out into snickers and giggles and the night begins, assuming it has not already.

The pre-established connections among the five are obvious in the fluidity of their movements and the messy but intelligible way they talk with and over each other. It’s in the way they poke fun at each other and insult one another with no reservations. It’s in the sentences they finish and memories they bring up effortlessly as they try to out-balance the others with pillows. It’s also painfully obvious that Logan cannot quite keep up to their same tier of connection; but he shoos the thought away and focuses on the night’s plans.

They almost fight over what board game to pull out hours later, but eventually settle for the first thing Remus hits with a pillow. It’s Monopoly.

The game carries on interestingly, with Logan being better at it than he thought and Roman failing miserably, nearing bankruptcy. Much to Janus’s distress as the banker, there’s an attempted bank robbery at some point, courtesy of Virgil. The three end up in a slight brawl before Patton breaks them up. Logan hides a proud smirk when one of them lands on a property of his with two hotels.

A penniless Roman and Virgil motion for the game to end later, declaring Logan as the winner. Patton is a close second though, much to their surprise. 

Virgil says “I hate you for that, Lo” while they’re clearing up the board later. For a split second Logan thinks there’s genuity in their words. There is a slight fear that creeps as he thinks of how he may have let down his guard too much, and how winning may not have been the best thing to do seeing as how he is just a guest in this event.

But then a bit of cheese dip finds itself on Logan’s nose, put there by Virgil themself who has on a soft smile and not an ounce of hatred. “But eh, guess that’s what I get for not listening to your lesson on theorems and postulates the other day, huh?” They laugh as Logan wipes off the stain on the tip of his nose. “Princey and I are just gonna have to get ya next time.”

Then they stand to clear up the rest of the pieces and Logan feels himself relax. He is not quite sure why, but he gets the feeling that there is no real danger here, no real conflict. He feels just the slightest bit more secure and holds onto it.

They watch a movie later on. They all settle around a laptop, limbs overlapping and faces practically squished together so everyone gets a good view. Janus and Remus end up arguing over a horror movie or a court drama, but Roman’s already showing a collection of Disney movies to Logan while they’re distracted. Then Big Hero 6 catches his eye, and it’s put on before the bickering pair even notice it.

Patton and Roman both cry near the end as Hiro floats farther and farther away from Baymax, despite the fact that Roman has seen this movie approximately fifteen times. Logan might have felt emotional about it too, but he has a reputation to uphold. Janus might have caught him rubbing his eyes, but they both agree to shut up.

They give in to Remus’s request to put on Final Destination after Big Hero 6, but the energy of the night does not last long. Before the film even reaches the halfway mark, almost all of them fall drowsy. Yawns are exchanged between sentences and words become unintelligible as the people on screen scream in terror. They all fight their best efforts to stay awake, especially Logan who feels as though most of the weariness is falling on him.

He finds himself leaning heavily against an unknown back a few minutes later, jolting awake to see everyone with eyes still open, but just barely. Logan thinks of slapping himself on the cheek to wake up just a bit more, and maybe do the same for everyone, but he remembers that this is still the first ever sleepover he’s been to. How is he supposed to know what to do at this point forward?

Maybe they do not want to be reenergized anymore at such a late hour. Perhaps they still want to keep it going even then. Maybe it’s tradition to just fall asleep like this, in a messy pile over each other where their necks and backs are bound to ache and crick the following morning. Maybe there is some sort of unspoken rule that one must wait until a certain hour before falling asleep. Is it rude to be the one who falls asleep first? Or perhaps it’s the opposite and it’s the one who falls asleep last who carries the shame? Are they all supposed to rest at the same time? Must they wait for each other? What happens when one cannot wait any longer? What are the rules for this? The proper etiquette?

His eyes finally slip shut and his thoughts blend into a quiet buzz, both mind and body already too tuckered out to do anything more. Whatever the answers to his queries are, Logan will just have to find out in the morning.

~~~

He does not remember slipping into his blankets before falling asleep, nor does he recall having his head on a pillow. But when Logan wakes up that’s exactly where he is. He rubs at his eyes and stretches a bit, still laying down. Then something recognizably cool brushes against his knuckle. He grabs the object, squinting at it to make sure it is indeed his glasses, and puts it on. He appears to be sandwiched between Roman and Remus; the latter still with an arm around his waist. Logan gingerly dislodges Rem’s arm as he sits up, only being disrupted by a slight gasp and a snicker from his right.

Logan looks towards the sound. “Oh. Good morning, Patton. I didn’t know you were already awake.”

To his far right, at the very end of the sleeping line, Patton smiles and bites at her bottom lip. She clasps a hand over her mouth for a quick instant, where Logan takes note of the same color bracelet still on, now with an additional green one below it. “Good morning, Lo-- did… did you sleep well?” The trembling of their jaw makes it seem like she’s afraid or uneasy, but it’s the crinkling of her eyes and the slight snorts that give them away. 

Logan finds this odd. He cannot think of any possible reason for Patton to find humor at such an hour, when no one else but the two of them are awake. “Is there… is there something wrong?” Logan asks while he slowly stands up, avoiding the rest of his friends as he goes.

Patton follows him with her eyes, lips clasped together but cheeks full and upturned in stifled laughter. “Nothing at all, Lo! Just uh, just had a funny dream. That’s all.”

Logan raises an eyebrow, tiptoeing around the stirring group to get to the door. “Well, uhm, alright then. I’ll just be in the bathroom--”

Patton nods frantically, cheeks reddening and smile widening as their eyes remain trained on Logan, even as he leaves the room. He wonders what on earth could possibly have Patton in such a humored state as he rinses his face. He just doesn’t exactly believe the “funny dream” excuse, knowing it must have been a while since she woke up. The way they kept their eyes on him the whole time was curious as well.

He sighs as he splashes water over his eyes one final time, glancing at the sink mirror once he’s done. In his blurry reflection he notices something off; like blotches of black littered across his face. Quickly and alarmingly, he puts on his glasses.

What he sees is a pretty clear answer to his most recent question.

There, scattered all over his face, are black scribbles scrawled all over his entire face. The thickness tells Logan it’s marker ink, slightly smudged and runny from being wet. His wide eyes quickly scan over the  _ horrific _ calligraphy of his name on his right cheek, realizing it’s now spelled “Logangsta XD” instead of just “Logan.” Beside it is another phrase-- “HotsiLogs.” It’s probably another of those Filipino plays on words Virgil loves doing. They never seem to run out of them.

His lip twitches at the sight of black, messy circles around both eyes and he frowns at the obnoxiously large handlebar mustache above his stained lip. On his other cheek lies more words-- “I tried to stop them” in Janus’s handwriting and the word “didn’t” wedged forcefully before “tried”, probably from Roman. It isn’t as easy to read with all the different-sized hearts around it undoubtedly from Patton. There’s a heavily drawn-over marking by his forehead, and if he squints well enough he can make out the drawing of an extended middle finger. There are a couple more random curls and shapes all over, with an unamusingly clever iteration of “logAN” by his left temple.

Even as his breaths begin to fog up the mirror, the  _ piece de resistance _ is still hard to ignore. Dab-smack in the middle of his face, right there spanning his nose, is none other than an anatomically inaccurate illustration of the XY reproductive organ itself. 

Even with the subtly swelling pride in him over being able to identify who wrote which, there are stronger, more overpowering sensations filling him. His first instinct is to wash his face again, and he does. His breaths get quicker and quicker with every lather of soap and round of water meeting his face. Shaking fingers pull a roll of tissue nearby, harshly rubbing over his face until the words become unintelligible and the patterns turn into cloudy black littering his skin.

He does not understand why they could do such a thing. Why don’t the others have the same markings on their faces? Is it a sort of punishment for falling asleep first? Should he not have done what he did? 

His breathing sounds loudly across the simple bathroom, making the stuffy atmosphere grow heavier and the mirror in front of him to cloud. He wipes an unsteady hand on it to clear the fog before washing and scrubbing furiously once again.

He has not read about this consequence in any article, nor has he seen it referenced in any literature or film. Logan cannot think of any reason why these people should disgrace his face like this, nor why they’d find hilarity in the shameful way the black ink dots his skin. Unless…

Unless they do not see Logan’s presence as an enjoyable one, and the entire night was a mere prank; or worse, nothing more than an act of mercy for probably the only student in their high school who has not even just a single acquaintance.

Perhaps the past few months were just a charade, and Logan never really did gain friendship, only assumed. And this sleepover was their way of telling Logan that he assumed wrong, that they no longer find his presence tolerable, that they want their situation back to how it was before Logan began mentoring Virgil.

An expression of disgust greets him in the mirror as his feverish body and now just barely-stained cheeks look back at him. He thinks that this same distaste he feels right now is exactly what the others must regard him as. But no. He will not allow himself to feel affected by their rejection. He has dealt without company before and he can do so again. He just has to complete this event, go home, and then he can pretend as though they’ve never even met. He can do them the favor of disengaging from the group himself.

Even with such a rational plan already laid out in his head, the emotional turmoil boiling in him makes it harder to stick to it. His face is now sore from all the rubbing, skin hot and clammy from the lack of ventilation, chest rising and falling too strongly, and thoughts firing at gatling speed.

Then there are a couple of knocks on the bathroom door. 

The sound along with multiple voices uttering his name springs him into action, taming his hair and patting his face dry of tap water and sweat. He winces at the passable but still unclean state of his face and the wet patches on his pajama top then tries his best to steady his trembling form. He can and he will remain civil even as he drowns in abashment.

Unsure as ever, he settles a hand on the doorknob. Before any action is carried out, the handle turns on its own, apparently unlocked from the beginning. He stumbles backward when it swings open, catching him off guard when all five of the others enter the not so spacious bathroom.

Suddenly they’re crowding him, filing in swiftly and wrangling him until his legs hit the toilet seat and he flops down to sit on it unceremoniously. They start talking, voices piling one on top of the other, making it hard to distinguish one from another.

“Logan? You okay?” 

“You haven’t been answering and you’ve been in there for a while--”

“Yeah we thought you slipped and hit your head or something--”

“Oh  _ pfft _ , the markers are almost off--”

“Well shit, no wonder you were taking so long--”

“Did you see what I wrote? Top tier humor right there--”

“Bro you look sick or something, what’s wrong?”

“Lo why aren’t you saying anything--?

“Logan?”

“Uh, Lo?”

“Hey--”

“Nerd, hey hold on breathe for a sec--”

They’re all too near and he’s all too aware of how ridiculous he looks, of how this concern is probably part of the act, how it’s too hot and how he cannot breathe and how he wants to apologize if he ever did something untoward last night. He wants to keep any emotion at bay before it reveals just how much the incident actually bothered him, but it isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do.

So he just sits there, not a single coherent thought grazing his mind, body too exhausted to keep up its composed act, and just lets anything that happens happen.

He tries not to mind what the others are saying and doing to avoid further disappointment, only focuses on what his body needs. He gulps in air to satisfy his lungs, desperately fans his hand to cool his heating skin, licks his lips for moisture and sighs in relief when a slight breeze somehow makes it onto his messy face.

He’s still on the toilet seat when a bit of coherence blesses him. The others are still around him as he continues to breath in and out slowly, but they’re now less huddled and standing at a good distance from him, leaving only Virgil directly in front of him. Their hands are on his forearms and they’re breathing along with Logan. Or perhaps Logan is breathing along with them. He cannot tell. He feels kind of stupid only realizing now that that was a panic attack, and that that’s probably the reason why it’s  _ Virgil  _ of all people kneeling before him right now.

Slowly a semblance of his former state of mind returns to him, along with the dying down of his tremors and the evening out of his breaths. But with sane thought comes the reminder of the very things that triggered such a spiral in the first place, and the neutrality of his features return to shield him from the possible dejection that may befall him.

“Is it the markers?” Roman asks from somewhere behind Virgil. Logan looks to him but does not say nor do anything to confirm nor deny his statement.

Janus hands him a softer, damp towelette, though Logan stares at it more than he uses it. “They were washable markers so it’ll come off. Guess we just wrote in a bit too much, sorry.”

Logan does eventually dab the cloth over his face, black coloration transferring to the fabric bit by bit, but he still stays wordless. His mind is still buzzing with thoughts, too much for his mouth to keep up with.

Patton mumbles out something from where she’s seated by the tub. “We’re sorry, Lo. We didn’t think it over. We really were just having some fun. Should have thought of how you might take it.”

Remus is standing by the door, hands playing with the hem of his tank top. “Yeah, maybe I should have drawn the dick a bit smaller -- _ mmmf _ \--” He’s cut off by Roman suddenly but gently clasping a hand over Remus’ mouth but he withdraws it immediately with a slight yelp. Logan assumes it’s because Remus licked it. “But no, yeah, we’re uh, we’re still sorry, Lo--”

Logan snaps. “If you did not want me in the sleepover you should just not have invited me.”

All words and movement halt. The only sound is the soft squelching of wet cloth in Logan’s clenched hand and the soft whirring of the exhaust fan.

Virgil in front of him stutters out a question. “What do you mean?”

“If your plan was for me to find out about your indifference or even your dislike of me by doing this during a sleepover in an effort to rid of me then you should have just told me your sentiments directly from the start.” He keeps his eyes on the dripping towelette, watching as moisture seeps into his pajama bottoms. “It would have saved you the effort of acting as though you tolerate me and it would have spared me this embarrassing position.”

Logan expected a multitude of reactions. He expected the silence after, for instance, but he certainly did not expect the laughter from Roman.

It’s a sound bordering between a disbelieving scoff and a genuine chuckle, Roman’s body bending along with his short-lived fit. “Sweet Medusa, Logan. I don’t know why you’re reacting this way over a couple of washable sharpies on your face. What, is this your first time or something--?”

Then Logan looks up at him, much like the rest of them do. The marginally condescending expression on Roman’s face dies with every second longer that Logan stares, replaced with a look of realization and shocked understanding. “Oh. It is, isn’t it?”

More shame creeps up on Logan but he nods, slowly and lowly.

Remus shifts in his place by the door. “Damn. I guess all out and filthy wasn’t the way to go. I didn’t know you were a sleepover virgin.”

Logan shrugs. “No one was there to invite me to one. The same is true for parties or any other social event, for that matter.” He waves a hand in clarification. “Not to have me mistaken but I do not mind it at all. Admittedly being invited for once was certainly… a new experience, but I would not have minded it if you did not. As I said, it is a common occurrence, and it’s the better option than having you reveal your disdain of me like this.”

Janus raises a brow and clicks his tongue. “Hmm. So you thought that us drawing insignificant things on your face meant that we actually loathed you even though we’ve made it clear for a while now that you’re our friend?”

Logan sighs and pinches the bride of his nose. “Well, what other explanation is there for--” he waves a hand over his entire face, “--this?”

Patton softens from where she’s sat. “Aw, Logan. We don’t hate you. I swear on all things sugar we really didn’t mean anything bad by it.” She rubs the back of their neck as they begin to explain. “It’s just become sort of a tradition, really. We’ve kinda been doing this to anyone who falls asleep first. But all in good light, of course!” 

Remus lights up and clasps his hands together a bit loudly. “Ooh! Show him the pictures, Virgey!”

Logan looks up in confusion and Virgil does the same, but it appears theirs isn’t long-lived as their face lights up while they begin fishing for their phone from their hoodie pockets. Virgil is already cackling to themself before they can even show the image to Logan while Janus already has a hand over his face in humiliation.

On the phones is Janus himself, asleep with his face covered in even more scribbles and letterings than there ever were on Logan’s. He barely stops a tiny smile from forming on his face.

Jan groans. “All right, change it already. I know you have a scandalous image there somewhere too, Virge. Don’t hide it.” 

“Fat chance, Jan--”

“Oh, give me that--”

“Hey!”

Janus snatches the phone and scrolls through it, eyes lighting up and smirk forming when he finally shows Logan Virgil’s version of a sharpie-littered face. In different colors, too. It’s Virgil’s turn to grumble, pulling down their hood over their face sharply. This time Logan fails at stifling the upturn of his lips.

He also shows another one of Remus, who by far had the most illustrations on his face, comprised mostly of genitalia, curse words, flowers, and messy attempts at emojis. They all share a few moments of laughter, some of the weight of the atmosphere lifting off once a slightly full smile breaches Logan’s face. 

Virgil chuckles nervously when the phone goes back into their pocket, facing Logan like a child who had just done something wrong. “Yeah, sorry about that. Guess we should have told you beforehand that there’s that whole ‘falling asleep first’ shiz going on so you would have at least been ready for it.”

“Once someone starts doodling, you just can’t stop!” Patton exclaims, an anxious smile on their face as she does.

Logan nods in acknowledgement but the doubts are still there. His uncertainty shows on his face. 

A heavy sigh is heard from somewhere accompanied by light footsteps. Soon Roman is directly in front of him, crouching down to Logan’s level while Virgil stands to make way. 

“Sorry,” he says, lips thin and brows furrowed almost unnoticeably. “I kinda understand now, and that whole reaction you just had is perfectly valid.” He shuffles awkwardly on the tile. “But do you really believe that? That we hate you? That this is all just some sort of elaborate months-long prank?”

Blankness still coats Logan’s face, but his dejection is still clear in his movements and in how he cannot meet the other’s eyes. 

Roman laughs and stands abruptly. “Well damn, Logan. I’m a pretty good actor but I don’t think even I can keep up such a heinous act for this long. Especially the others. I mean--” he gestures dramatically to Patton with heavily confused features “-- have you  _ seen  _ how terribly Pat acts? I don’t think they or anyone else in this room can pull off pretending to like you for that long, Lo.

Logan looks up at him. “And you’re certain of this?”

Remus butts in from behind, trying to squeeze inside even when the bathroom was already as stuffy as it is. “Hell yeah, we are. You’re pretty dope, kid. Believe me, if we hated your ass we would’ve just said so from the beginning.”

“But I am not like most of the people in the school--”

“I _ \-  _ have you taken a good look at us?” Virgil asks. “I don’t think we exactly fit in either, Lo.”

Patton speaks up too. “Yeah and besides, it isn’t about whether you fit in with us. We just really genuinely like you even though you don’t really believe it and welp, here we are!”

Logan relaxes by a fraction, something they find obvious by how he releases a breath. 

Janus decides to say a few more things. “I mean, we can still stop this whole sharpies thing next time if you want to. God knows some people here need to calm down with what they draw--”

Remus protests. “Hey! You love the dicks I draw on people’s faces, admit it--”

“Not when you draw like six of them on my cheek, Rem--”

Logan laughs once and cuts through the two’s slight quarrel before it escalates. “There’s uh, there’s actually no need to change anything.” He allows a small smile to slip past, waiting until the others have their eyes on him. “I suppose fear just got the better of me quicker than I can process it but quite honestly I… I actually enjoyed it.”

A breathy chuckle escapes Logan once he remembers all the fun he genuinely had last night. He recalls how none of their actions seemed ingenuine, and how every single lighthearted joke and tease felt right. 

He remembers how he felt like he belonged, even for a while.

The others also release breaths they didn’t know they’ve been holding. “You did?”

Logan nods, smile brighter than anyone of them have ever seen on him. “Yes, I did. It was… it was fun. Quite possibly the most fun I’ve had in a long while.” A mischievous smile dances on his lips. “Especially when Janus got Roman to admit that he’s starting to harbor feelings for one of the other actors--”

Roman whines in an attempt to silence Logan. “Nooooo! They already forgot about that! Why’d you remind them, ugh--”

“Forgot?” Remus says, wiping off sweat from his brow as a result of the bathroom’s humid air. “I remember every fucking word! You called him handsome and dreamy and-- and I quote, ‘like Apollo blessed with an angelic voice and a face worthy of Mt. Olympus’--”

“And I have it on record too,” Virgil says, waving their phone and wiggling their eyebrows at Roman.

The room erupts into teasing “oohs” and laughs as Roman tries his hardest to snatch the gadget from Virgil. Even Logan cackles along when Virgil practically jumps past the others and into the hallway, Roman angrily following suit.

The uncomfortable heat of the skimpy bathroom finally gets to the remaining four of them, getting them to finally stand up with a slew of half-meant complaints while they file out. They chuckle as they messily use their tops to wipe at their faces, giggling some more when the last specks of black ink find its way to Logan’s pajama top’s collar.

Roman finally gives up chasing Virgil when they come down to have breakfast, where Logan learns that the twins’ parents are actually pretty fun people to be around. A lovely couple too.

Any figurative guard Logan may still have had on from the night before is carefully brought down inch by inch. He allows himself the pleasure of relaxing, smiling, and laughing without fear of judgement. He allows himself to joke around with them, to fling a piece of bacon back at Remus when the other attempts so, and to almost choke on air when the food lands in Patton’s shirt instead.

And _ oh _ , does it feel spectacular to laugh around with them like this. So this is what Logan’s been missing.

“So, will I be seeing you Monday at lunch with the rest of these idiots?” Janus asks beside him, a fork of scrambled egg hovering just near his face.

Logan laughs, then, eyes roaming around every single one of his… friends. “You can’t possibly put me in the same level of dumb-assery as them.”

Janus rolls his eyes, popping the fork in his mouth and chewing with a smirk. “Alright, fine. You can be like, a level higher than them, but that’s all your getting. And you’re absolutely not telling them that.”

Logan smiles around a glass of orange juice, wiping his lips after and nodding at Janus. “I’d like that. See you guys on Monday?”

A hand comes to pat Logan on the back. The one-side smile on Janus’s face grows wider, just as wide as the smiles the rest of their chaotic little group have on. 

“See you, nerd.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you're all doing okay! Every little support and kudos is eternally appreciated. Follow me on Tumblr [@nerdy-emo-royal-dad](https://nerdy-emo-royal-dad.tumblr.com/)!. Stay safe, fams! <3


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